1. Tell us about your Background and journey?
My background and life journey is full of ups and downs. I hailed from a Punjabi Business Class Family. My Dad belongs to upper class family n mom was from middle class family. We were a family of 4 people which includes my parents, me and my elder brother. As usual emotional needs of children are neglected by Indian parents so it happened with both of us as kids.
My grandmother died when my dad was 2 days old. My Dad was brought up by step mother n elder siblings, a giver, sort of perfectionist and detached personality. My Mom had a pampered childhood and was a very soft, sweet and extrovert person but she changed herself a lot due to her marriage or you can say for Dad.
Due to that she developed a nature of constant nagging, cribbing, complaining, suspicion, screaming, abusing, comparing and hitting herself initially and over few occasions sheer of frustration n control, badly hit with chappals me n my brother too.
So, in adulthood, my brother turned out to be quite dominating by personality in order to get more attention. He wanted to do a lot of things in his life but couldn't succeed as he gave more importance to the decisions made by parents rather than following his own passion.
Over a period of time he started getting frustrated with the continuous nagging and emerged a habit of breaking things at home, banging his heads on walls, doubtful and threatening nature. His usual habit of sarcasm, physical & emotional abuse to me and on few occasions disrespectful and got physical with parents too.
Tired from all this drama, I ran away from home. My unwanted and physically abusive marriage, money minded husband and loss of my child made me follow my dream of becoming a Marriage and Relationship Counsellor. This all fueled me to study hard and get my doctorate degree in order to live independently.
Looking back on all the problems that I faced on a personal, physical, emotional and financial level to now becoming a celebrity psychologist and Certified EQ coach as usual I m smiling, happy and content.
2. What led you to take up this career path?
I am a very simple, compassionate and introvert person and had spent my childhood in solitude and in a lot of fear. I was a very silent and extremely sensitive child, used to cry a lot but neither a complainer nor a demanding person. I used to sit alone, enjoy by myself for hours and hours. But if an outsider purposely uses sarcasm while talking then I get annoyed quickly and used to snap back.
As a keen observer, I closely observed mine and others' behaviour patterns while growing up as a child. Having a dream of becoming a doctor and an ambition of financial independence so that I can take all life decisions by my own, I turned out to be a witty, very bold, progressive and intelligent person.
I was very much self aware, understanding and well versed with the art of how to make others happy but was quite dissatisfied personally. Because of my nature, I was a favourite of everyone and people used to share their heart out to me and guide me for future. I used to be the supporter, mediator between the family disputes and friends too. God’s grace was always over me. My unwanted and physically abusive marriage with a money minded man pushed me more towards this career path.
So, somehow all this led me to deeply understand the emotions, human psyche, marital and family life, blaming nature of humans, violent and fearful life, sarcasm, bully behaviour patterns, importance of happiness and personal space, physical and emotional abuse, work life balance, women’s or daughter’s importance in family and society, clients very positive feedbacks about my work and so on.
3. What are some common myths in the society about psychology?
A lot of people believe that psychology is a business of making easy money and person get paid for listening to people. Another biggest myth about psychology in society is that people who are visiting a psychologist, means they have something wrong or are abnormal or mad.
One more common myth, you read psychology so you can read people’s mind easily. I would like to clear one myth that psychology helps person to change others and person started judging others. Reality is, Psychology is about understanding the deep meaning behind others behaviour and psychology does not mean to change anyone but to accept them as they are.
4. How can people practice mindfulness?
Mindfulness refers to human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing. The purpose of mindfulness is to be in the present and not ignoring any thoughts or feelings. Mindfulness focuses on paying attention to what’s happening around us.
Few ways to become present is to begin with by focusing on your breath. Don't dwell into the future or past, learn to fully accept yourself in the moment. You don’t always have to be involved in activities just learn to spend time with yourself and slow down.
Another thing is it is ok and very much normal to have judgements, acknowledge them and allow them to pass. In this fast paced life it is very normal to be anxious about the future, stop and understand that it is not wrong and always try to return back to live in the present moment.
5. What are you tips for people who want to practice this profession?
Before people decide to get into this profession it is essential that individuals look into their emotions and learn how to regulate their emotions. Until and unless people are aware about themselves they won’t be able to help others find themselves.
Setting limits and boundaries is very essential as chances of transference n counter transference are ver high. In today’s time having a work-life balance is tough and so learn to not get very attached to the case or else it will take a toll on you. Ensure that you have understanding family and support system who can give you the time to unwind and personal space.
Most importantly, kindly take proper training and ensure confidentiality. Another important thing is to along with a good listener be ensure that you are not very judgmental by nature. Non judgemental, an important skill that people need to learn.
6. Is work-life balance a myth or reality according to you?
Work-life balance is very much required, as people are not able to maintain balance. It’s is reality and is not a myth. There is no doubt that both work, parter, kids, family and social relationships are an important part of life. But if we give more attention to work then we neglect all relationships and if we give more attention to relationships then we neglect work.
We can’t make everyone happy if we are not happy. We need to give importance to self along with everyone else. Recognise our mental, physical, emotional and financial boundaries and accordingly make everyone else happy in surroundings.
Life won't always be smooth but when we give equal importance to us as well as others then we can rely on our partner, family and surroundings even when the work is not doing great. But if we neglect ourself along with family and social relationships and work is also not going good, then we loose support as well.
7. How according to you can one manage stress?
Stress has become part of everyone’s life but it is very essential that we take some time off. The best way to deal with stress is to spend time with ourselves and engage in activities that we enjoy. Engaging in physical exercise will help you to uplift your mood and will help you relax your mind.
Exercising for 30 minutes daily works like magic. Ensure that you watch some comedy shows and movies as this will help you to relax and divert your mind as well. Try to manage your negative thoughts by maintaining a journal or just writing your thoughts in a piece of paper and then throwing away the same.
Ensure that you get sound sleep and practice gratitude everyday. Try to engage in your hobbies or things that you enjoy doing. Talk about your problems if things are bothering you, talking about them can help lower your stress.
Interview By - Benil Joesph
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