Mahek Agarwal - Although My Body Developed to Be of a Strapping, Broad-Chested Man-in My Heart All I Wanted to Be Was the Classic Indian Lady (Model & Activist)

I am Mahek Agarwal and I am a proud transgender woman.

My strongest motivators in life have been self-expression and self-discovery.

I work in a corporate as a Senior Customer Service Analyst in Telecommunications. I will not say I am an out and loud transgender activist but I am an individual contributor and talk openly on platforms about gender awareness and breaking the stereotype. I am a fashion influencer and model. She also runs her own blogs on fashion, body positivity and runs her own talk show named "Candid with Mahek- Let's Have a Dialogue."

1. Tell us more about yourself and your life.

Wow, where to start from. It's like writing about 36 years of my existence on this stage in just a few words but I will try.

I am born and bought up in Kolkata in a middle-class conservative Marwari family. I have 3 siblings - 2 younger sisters married with two kids, my twin brother and my mom and dad.

My earliest happy memories are all of watching my mom doing her shringar, kajal, bindi, and her pink lipstick. Watching mum every day, growing up, I learned how to drape a saree, much better than I have learned how to drape a dhoti. 

Although my body developed to be of a strapping, broad-chested man-in my heart all I wanted to be was the classic Indian lady. Long hair, sarees, manicured hands, jewelry - you know the works!! Sports was never a fun topic, although the gorgeous sportsmen were a different thing altogether.

As a child I felt I didn't belong, I always felt I was one of the weird kinds that were very different from others because I was assigned male at birth, I was raised like a boy but I just didn't feel like one at all. It was so weird knowing that you are one of the others and not having the right to co-exist equally with everybody else.

So when society teaches to hate yourself constantly and at the same time preaches be yourself, it's the biggest hypocrisy ever. I was also very good in academics, in my school and college. I did want to pursue my studies and do my master's in business and finance but unfortunately, my parents couldn't support me with the finances at that time - which I regret till day.

Life would have been different if I would have that master's degree today!

But no complaints 🥰

2. What led you into social activism? 

I don't call myself an activist. I remember someone telling me sitting at home and having leverage to social media is not activism, which I laughed at.

As there are so many influential I know who have the same leverage and do not use the platform for any sort of communication. I am not the kinds who will wear a khadi kurti and dupatta with a bag on the side because I love colors and I use that to tell my story my own way.

So to answer your question - 

When I started my journey to womanhood 2.6 years ago, I started my HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy), but there was no access to information. There were no real people to talk to and ask them questions. The only information I could get was either through my psychologist or my endocrinologist. But that information wasn't enough.

So the only way I could lend my voice to a lot of girls who might needed answers to similar questions was through social media. I wanted to be that voice. I wanted people to see the journey. Because it's not a magic pill you take and you wake up the next day and you are a woman. It's a rigorous process.

I wanted other girls to see my journey and feel that it's 'ok' to feel, what they are feeling. I wanted to break the stereotype that transgender term is a big umbrella and that all transgenders are not Kinnars. I wanted to be the face in society to prove that trans-women are women. We are well educated, we come from a good family, we have a social life and it's very normal.

I wanted consistency in conversation which for the longest time have been lacking, so I started a conversation on my social media handle "Candid with Mahek - Let's have a Dialogue"

So, here I am fighting the fight and lending my voice whenever I get an opportunity to do so.

3. What is that one cause you care deeply about and why?

We are all born humans and we should be treated as one. Gender comes later. When a child is born in a family, we celebrate. So why the love for the parents goes away when in due course of life the child identifies as a different gender. I never got an answer to this question.

I am a human being just like every one of you. Each and every person has a privilege. Such as me, having a unique privilege that: I am a woman with transgender experience. I am a woman of Indian descent. I am a woman.

But most people don't see that. So as a human being, 

WHY - No one can tell me that they accept me or they tolerate me?

WHY - No one has the power to accept or tolerate me?

Then, I take that from everyone. As a human, I demand that acceptance and respect for myself and for all my sisters around the globe.

4. If one wants to contribute and make a difference in social causes, how can one do it?

If not me or you, then who??

And you don't need a reason to lend a voice.

At times our purpose drops in our lapses as if heaven threw it by accident. Do not fear failure but please be terrified of regret, as giving up is the birth of regret.

You will have 100 moments where you will have someone telling you NO.

The reality of life is that we will all hear more NOs than YESs and we will fail a lot I mean a whole lot. But what I ask of you today is to not take NO for an answer.

Don't be afraid of NOs, be afraid of the possibility of the YES that you must have prematurely destroyed because you decided to quit before the clock strikes 12.

5. Who is your role model and why?

My MOM. Hands down.

A woman who never had a good childhood - lived for her sisters and parents. A woman who married in a family where she took the responsibilities for the family, never thinking of what she wanted. A daughter, a wife, and a mother - lived for everyone else but for herself. She gives me the strength and courage to fight the odds.

When I told my mom the first time about my feelings, 

She asked me, "Why didn't you tell me earlier?"

I replied, "I thought you will disown me."

You know what, my mom said, "I will disown the world for you".

She has always been the role model and she will always be. I want to be like my mom, humble, kind, giving, and a wonderful human being.

6. What are some of the challenges and roadblocks you have faced along your journey?

Honestly, roadblocks are excuses and how you look at them.

When I started my transition to align my body to how I feel, I thought it would be easy. But subconsciously, I knew there will be challenges. But I knew my path and was sure about what I wanted. I had to do it myself. I had no financial support so I had to work full time with a healthy social life.

The biggest challenge was acceptance at the workplace, from fighting for basic needs as to which washroom do I use. But, I am a woman with a voice so I make myself heard all the time.

There is a saying, "Crying baby gets more milk than the one who is quiet." 

So I will rather be a cry baby. But I take a lot of pride when my senior managers tell me that I have been able to change the perception of how they looked at the LGBTQIA+ spectrum and a trailblazer for people who are joining now and they do not have to go through the same struggle I had to go through.

7. Your opinion about social media activism.

Any form of activism is activism. Whether it's social media or at the forefront.

People feel that sitting at home and lending a voice is leverage and that does not count as activism. But I feel when you are out in the street on a ground level you can have the leverage of time which I might not have.

With the strong voice and opinion and with a followers base of 52k I personally feel I am doing my bit.

Mahek Agarwal | Model & Activist

Interviewed By - Rudraksh Sharma