Hyper-Independence: Signs to Determine Whether You Are Hyper-Independent or Not

Source- Tumgir

Hyper-independence is regarded as a desire to resist help from others and seeking to solve all problems on one's own, even if this means the person would struggle and suffer more. 

Accepting aid from others is seen as a show of weakness by these people, and they will place greater pressure on themselves to be able to cope with a high-stress situation.

 

 “The extent to which we see ourselves as independent or dependent is an aspect of our personal make-up, our personality.”

                                   ~ Dutch business psychologist Jan P. de Jonge    

Introverts are more likely to be prone to hyper independence than extroverts because they avoid social connections and thus have less time to rely on or call out to others in times of need.

 

Being Hyper-independent means being overly self-reliant and can lead to feelings of isolation and emotional distance from others. We rely on ourselves so much that we give the impression that we don't trust or want people around us. 

And, according to studies, this type of behaviour is most likely the result of a terrible experience that taught us to trust ourselves and only ourselves to get us through life.

Source-  r/EstrangedAdultChild

Signs to determine whether you are hyper-independent or not:

• You're a highly private individual: Has someone ever told you that you're "always so secretive and mysterious"? Do people always tell you that you're "such a closed book" who should "try opening up once in a while"? While we all have a right to privacy (which should undoubtedly be respected), there is a distinction to be made between being a private person and trying to keep ourselves fully hidden from others.

• You're a workaholic who goes above and beyond: Being "hyper-independent" could be a reason if you're the type of person that is always busy and tends to throw yourself into your work/studies. Because you're afraid to let yourself have a life outside of those things, you focus more on your work and studies. You keep yourself engaged to give yourself an excuse to cancel plans, avoid spending time with loved ones, or spend long periods of time alone.

• You don't assign responsibilities to others: When you're in a position of authority or a position of leadership, your worst flaw is always your inability to delegate responsibilities to others. Whether it's for work, school, or social occasions, you usually wind up giving yourself all of the major chores and delegating just the simple and insignificant ones to others. If not, you may have a bad tendency of micromanaging everything to ensure that all duties are completed to your satisfaction. In other words, you don't trust other people to perform the things you need them to do and prefer to do everything yourself.

• You find it difficult to ask for help: You never ask anyone else to assist you to get out of a tight spot, no matter how hard you're battling. You don't want to ever need other people, not because you're too proud or arrogant, but because you don't want to be reliant on others. You may also struggle to trust others and believe in their good intentions; you also worry about being perceived as a burden or annoyance — all of these are indicators of hyper independence.

• You're used to handling problems on your own: You're used to doing everything by yourself, whether it's grocery shopping, watching a movie, running errands, or eating out. You make your own decisions about how you spend your time and money, and you only go out with other people when they invite you, not the other way around. While it's critical to have a positive relationship with oneself and to learn to be comfortable with being alone at times, the same can be said about socialising and spending time with loved ones.

• Everything is entirely up to you: You make all of your life's major decisions on your own and almost never seek out the advice or opinions of others. You don't think about what they think is best since you want to make your own decisions. While you may think this is a positive trait, it actually demonstrates how much your "hyper independence" is alienating you from those around you.

• Long-term partnerships are difficult for you: You've always struggled to establish long-term connections, whether in love or friendship. And if you're being honest with yourself, you know it's because you tend to keep an emotional distance from the people you care about. You're hesitant to open up to them or become very intimate with them, and you're always worried that you're spending too much time together. You've also been informed that you don't do a good job of making people feel wanted or needed and that you never follow up with those who leave.

• You despise individuals who are in need: You immediately turn and run the other way whenever you see someone being even somewhat needy. When friends beg you to spend more time with them or when family members text and phone you frequently, you don't enjoy it. Other people's attempts to get closer to you make you feel claustrophobic or suffocated, and you're quick to shoot them down. Why? Because you believe that being needy is a sign of weakness and that no one should ever need anyone other than themselves.

It's alright if a terrible relationship, a fight with a friend, being abandoned by a parent, or some other painful trauma shaped you into the person you are now. 

The only thing that matters is that you were able to deal with it in your own unique way. But you don't have to let that define who you are and how you see the world.

 

Yes, being self-sufficient is beneficial. But there's nothing wrong with sometimes asking for help. we are human, after all! 

We all require love in our lives; we all yearn for friendship and affection; we all want to be accepted, valued, and understood by others. And no matter how hard we work; we won't be able to do everything on our own. 

 

So, while it may not be easy at first, we must do our best to open up to others around us, re-establish trust, and seek help when we need it. 

It's terrifying to need or want someone, and even more terrifying to let ourselves love them, but having close, meaningful relationships with people is what makes life so rewarding.  

"Vulnerability is the only bridge we have to make connections with other ~ Brene Brown, a well-known American educator, and author.

Written By - Megha Jain